PAINT ME PURPLE;

//Saturday, April 29, 2006//3:09 AM

Things go hay-wire wiv si lei and jessica. I'm not in favor of Jessica but I think she may be right. Si lei just couldn't let go of de past. She doesn't like her cliques now due to all de backstabbing and bluntness. They are just TOO blunt. Not sure whether to feel sorry for her or wad. Its no use just saying that you're unlucky to have meet such friends because in the first place you're the one that decides which friends you wanna have. You don't give people chance in a friendship. You're not god and therefore you can't change their personalities and much say insult them. You have to give in to your friends sometimes and to love them. How do you hate your friends when you don't even like them in the first place?

She said I'm lucky to have great friends and I really think so too. I'm just too lucky to lead a life with so many fun people that loves me as how I love them. I may not know what pain lies behind all the backstabbing and stuff but I'm proud to announce that no one has done that to me yet. My friends are all there to console me, to pull me up when I'm at my lowest, to scold me for my stupidity and for everything else. Friends are like EVERYTHING to me. I can't live without them. I can live everyday to its fullest knowing that my friends are always there to share with every joy or anguish that I felt. Isn't that the whole point of friendship?

People I can't live without:
Darlings<3 TH[my love] GV[polar bear] CLAR[wife] HX[granddaughter]
-yili shirley joanne ruiwen jac dom-
tmssjabbers<3 sigit naz alvin sec3s
family in tms <3 my sons daughters and gay partners!
Classmates<3 The Noisy Gang<3 Inez Tiffany fiqah
Family<3 sis
and all de others <3

Well.. I appreciate everyone that has leave his or her footprints in my heart and I've found the meaning of friendship. Hopefully Si lei finds it in time to come.

Ten reasons why this world is coming to an end:

1) I can differentiate the words eye liner against mascara.

2) GV finally taught me to draw my eyes so that I won't look like I'm in a fight.

3) GV and HX can stop their teasing.

4) Hao Yang can sing with standard of celine dion. [glass shatters]

5) Naz is not depressed anymore.

6) Jac is finally civilised.

7) My mom finally decides korean dramas are bad for health.

8) I'm ACTUALLY studying.

9) We're soon gonna become like naz and yong wei.

10) I love him.

Fine. so de world is not coming to an end cos only the last three reasons are valid.

The world does not revolves around you solely.

//Friday, April 28, 2006//4:09 AM

---------------OCTOBER-------------------
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all.

---------------DECEMBER---------------
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking person possible... better
than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty.
Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know.
Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and
always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke.
Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative.
Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show
character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to
getting colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily
bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive

Our birth months! haha..
Just feel very insecure suddenly. Damn sorry now for ever doubting you. Maybe its because things between us have change so fast. I still can't really react to it. And thanks alot to the matchmakers.. I think I've been scolded enough times as fools already.. =D

may we last..

Always look out for the rainbow after the rain, you may not know what lies ahead of you.

//Tuesday, April 25, 2006//12:42 AM

jac likes to talk like a bitch. so we TaLk LiKe DiS! i'm NoT sUrE bUt DaTs HoW bItChEs TaLk?! lolness. Exams are coming and I'm SO NOT prepared! The sky is raining cats and dogs and FROGS! my god.. so I'm like pms~ing all day long. I hope whatever that had happened to doggiepoo last year doesn't happen again this year. Maybe I'm wrong. but as jac says WaDeVeR~

I seriously DO NOT like ice-skating but how? bo bian~clar wants it and its been a long time since we ice-skate wiv de guys. Thinking abt it I kinda miss dem. Like all diff class now. hmm.. Maybe dere's gonna be a chalet again dis year. [hopefully]

yayness. my blog's up lo. haha.. today really thanks to feng for lending me his shoulders. *thanks alot k!* XD

Hao yang should have sang de song 'bu de bu ai'! he sang 'wei yi' like he's throttling a pig! [oh! but pigs dun have necks!] Dang! today not seeing him though.. tell him dat when I c him tml. =D

kena caught for wearing ankle socks today. thanks man! tml have to let miss lim check tml. Its like Morni sabo us to be de representative for 4N la. so random!

'Imagination is a killer!'
umeannthnow.
Being ignorant is not de way out!The way out is at de exit.

////12:30 AM

Dreams.. Working hard to achieve them. Maybe I'm still not motivated after all de talks n career guidance. Haiz~ How to get to my goal like dat? Jus promised clar dat we'll be going to MJC together. Haiz~ wiv my standard now, I dun think I can even go into TPJC. sadded. Freaking life is in a mess. All my results have a similarity wiv vacuum cleaners. THey suck! I need someone to kick my butt to get me moving. If not sooner or later I'm gonna need a puddle of water to drown myself.

*Pissh!*

I'm dead~

////12:29 AM

POP! Finally its de time to pass out lo. Its my long awaited 'fainting parade'. Went wiv naz to sch. Well I can't bake brownies or make jellies so dis r done by naz. All I need to do is to wrap dem up. Bought some cards for de sec 3s and 2 BIG cards- 1 for everyone and 1 for Alvin. We kissed de card dats intended for everyone.. haha.. disgusting but yea~ I tot of dat k! Bought kinder bueno as requested by SJ, JM n salbiah. haha.. Now I still owe a wheelchair for SJ n fake eyebrows for JM.

Well.. trial run was ok. march march and more marching. salute n stuffs. I'm so gonna miss de time when dey call me 2nd OC. Now I'm EX- 2nd OC. Haiz~ Should have appreciate de times when I could. Now I will never get to hear dat again. Its time for dem to grow and take over us. We've pass down wad we can. De rest is up to dem.

de catered food was alright. Its so like wad NP had last sat. ok. nvm. Shouldn't complain. So we had our gifts and stuff and we're gonna have SWENSENS next week! so uber happy. haha.. jus after chi oral exams I think. ok. actually me n naz are suppose to cry. But de atmosphere was like so weird and not at all sad at our departures. ok.. so now I'm sad.

Now's de time to focus on my studies. Been sayin dat for quite some time but not really doing it.. so haiz~ Buck up!

Stressed is just desserts spelt upside down!

////12:27 AM

I don't understand this
why do I feel this way
this was not supposed to happen
oh God, what am I going to say?
my feelings for him have changed
I don't know when or why
but I cannot ruin our friendship
because without him I would die
He has always been there for me
a loving, caring friend
but if I confess these new feelings
will all we once had end?
should I take a chance and tell him
or just sit here in silent pain?
there is so much I could lose
but so much more that I could gain
my heart is screaming for me to tell,
true love is life's best gift
but my head is getting in the way
with all the stupid if's
I'm slowly going crazy
if I say nothing I will never know
but is the truth worth knowing
if I have to let him go?

A poem I happen to find..
haha.. Its nice..

////12:21 AM

You Are Creepy

Serial killers would run away from you in a flash.

How Scary Are You?

////12:12 AM

What would you do
what would say
if you knew your best friend
could die any day

would you tell them the truth
or tell them a lie
look them in the face
or turn away so they didn't see you cry

would you tell them you loved them
and will never let go
or just act normal
and not let the pain show

would you wake up every morning
and thank god they are still here
or would you curse god
for taking a friend so dear

would you promise them anything
and never let them down
would you smile at them when they
say they will always be around

would you thank them for having changed your life
or laugh with them about how you two caused so much strife

would you take in each word
as if it were keeping you alive

would you be filled with happiness and joy and not know what to say
just because your friend made it through one more day

would you look at the world as if it were brand new
and remember you promised you would live your life for two
would you want to hold them and never let them go
would you wish upon every starthat you wouldn't let the tears show

what would you do
what would you say
if you watched your best friend slowly die everyday?

//Sunday, April 23, 2006//4:35 AM

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

//Saturday, April 22, 2006//7:16 AM

Went to study wiv GV at white sands mac. Thanks man! I'm not sure wad I'll do w'out u. Felt much calmer now. So we blabber nonsense all de way till 8. haha.. Ever wonder how do you measure a guy's thing? haha.. so we tried using our hands to gage.. lolness.. Damn embarassed la.. so we ask th to measure wiv de ruler. well.. de result was **.. okok. He just use his imagination n de ruler to gage a size lo.

Haiz~ watching de channel u show now. Its damn saddening la. Well.. de lead was like stuck between two girls in a pagoda. den girl one sacrifice herself in order to save de other two. Yucks! De plot was totally stupid!

grr.. I'm feeling confused! blahh..

//Friday, April 21, 2006//11:19 PM

God has just played a trick on me. When I want to see you, I can never see a trace of you. Just when I've decided to avoid you, you just have to pop up in front of me. Why can't we have met months ago with the slimmest chance yet when I'm determine to forget you, you have to come along and spoil my mood?

I'm trying to heal my broken heart and soul. When will you ever notice a weeping me beside you? I'm trying hard not to let you see me tear. I'm torn apart. I wish I'm cold. Where is the cheerful me of the past?

You said bye and ran. You ran ahead again. I wonder when you'll learn to turn your head back? When will you notice I'm always the one looking at your retreating back and crying silently to myself?

Maybe GV's right. I should not let you distract me any longer. I'm not sure whether my plans to avoid you is right but what I do I hope is always the best for you.

////2:17 AM

I can't help it, if I could, I'll have never develop anything for you. I'm sorry but I can't choose not too. I'm afraid it'll kill our friendship if I told you. I cannot lie to myself neither can I to you. I want our friendship to last. I know my feelings will never be reciprocated.

I'm depressed. You ask me wads my problem. I can't confide in you knowing that all my problems originated from you. I dun wanna add to your burden. You are stressed with everything around you, I've never stop being by your side to pick you up. I've never stop, never at all.

I'm always waiting for you. Waiting for you has been a hobby of mine. I know I'm done for when waiting turned into my hobby. Knowing that you'll go without me, leaving me in misery but I'll still wait. Stupid things I'll do for you. When can I stop? I've been wanting to catch up with your footsteps but you're just too fast - too fast ahead of me. I'll wait for the day you finally turn your head back and slow down your pace. I'm not sure how long I'll last, I don't think I can stand this torment for long.

I tried to avoid you but all in vain. It just makes me more miserable. I can't stand not seeing you at all. I can't stop thinking about you- you at your best and worst moments, I'm always there to see. But you never notice my presence, never at all. When will you ever learn to look back, to look at a tired me?

If liking you is equivalent to cheating our friendship, I'm sorry. Its not mine to control. I dont want that to happen too. If I can, I would rather I've not met you at all. The first day you should have never said hi, knowing that the hi you said would cause so much trouble afterwards. I'll never deepen our friendship knowing that it will only cause pain after that. NEVER!

I hate your smile. It never fails to melt my heart, only for me to know that I'll cry after that. I hate your kindness. Your kindness to me is indirectly killing my heart. You should have never shown me any kindness or given me any hope. Never at all! All the kindness and hope will only come back to haunt me. To haunt me for my stupidity ,for my foolishness.

If only you can see my pain. I wanna stop this mistake. This mistake that's gonna harm our friendship. Give me some time. I'm sure my wound will heal. Not only will I revive our friendship, I'll make sure I'll be coated with the strongest armour. I'm not gonna be so vulnerable again.

Not for you, not anymore.

//Friday, April 14, 2006//3:01 AM

Speech day was so boring!
Try stunning dere for hours.. Dead boring.
after speech day dere was a feast. jac jus has to sprain his ankle while carrying food. What's worst, he blame it on me! Like its not my fault u wanna carry food for naz and had to miss a step n get injured. So it becomes my fault. I actually wanna catch' Ice AgeII' after speech day but when me n th rushed dere dey said its cancelled. How unlucky can I be? sadded.. Went back home dejectedly.

Dere's still sch before sports meet. Like who has de energy to cheer after sch. Haiz~ SO later went to eat wiv clar yili dhana n hx. haha.. All along dhana was crap! Went to jurong stadium. Who's stupid enough to put sports meet in de west when obviously we're situated in de east! Temasek was like pro dis year. haha.. Managed to get first for a few categories. Sitting in de rain and getting wet wasn't particularly a hobby of mine neither was getting my butt hard! Haiz~ Managed to escape early wiv de excuse of cutting my hair. Rushed to lakeside MRT but we still have to queue. lolness.. we managed to slip in between de chung cheng ppl n went up de train. I'm like damn freaking late when I finally met my mum at de hair salon. My hair was gone jus wiv a snip of de scissors. HaIz~ Now I'm going to have bad hair days for not sure how long.

GOD! I hate my hair!

//Friday, April 07, 2006//6:58 AM

POP is like in another week's period. Well.. even though I'm not prepare to let go of my post yet, I think dat I'll still have to let dem try. Its like a tugging feeling dat u'll feel. I've grown attached to de job as 2nd OC and stuffs. Even though I fail as a secretary due to my horrendous hand-writing and incompetent way of tidying up de room, I guess I'll still miss TMS SJAB. Its de place I grow up and it has seen me through lots of happiness and hardships. Saw NP's POP rehearsal today. Not exactly nice but its de effort dat counts right. so it turns out to b jus ok. Not THAT fantastic but ok.

ok. When ppl link me wiv NP its always wiv teng han. Not dat I've something against him but we're jus only VERY GOOD FRIENDS. den ppl will come along and say 'yea! Gm still living in self denial.' blah.. so everyone will come and tease us about being together and stuff. We're living in de 21st century, a modern world! U dun have to be a couple to be together. Friends can go home together too. so please forsake dat old convention way of thinking. [to some particular ppl out dere]

I'm supposed to be happy today.

//Saturday, April 01, 2006//7:33 AM

Went ta gran's hse ta meet up wiv couz all ta bowl. Went to KIM SENG SUPERBOWL[ not tks..] It re-confirmed de fact dat bowling is not my forte. haiz~ later went to Bugis to buy my bag. haha. Settle myself for a nice zinc bag. lolness.

just realise dat I've taken alot of things for granted. My frens family n everything else. Like damn guilty now. I dun wanna wait till dey vanish before I realise their importance.

people thought I've stopped lying, but I've just gotten better at it!