PAINT ME PURPLE;

//Saturday, February 18, 2006//9:58 PM

Forced ta go ta !Smash'd. its actually better den all de other concerts dat I've gone. Its like weird ppl all over wiv diff. funky hairstyles. SO its cool anyway. I like de second dance group, but too bad dey still din won. Din get ta stay dere for too long. After de competition grps, I'd ta rush ta c Mervyn off. Ran all de way ta tamp BK.[Not literally lol] Like still have ta wait for everyone else n ya. I should have stayed n watch de guest performance instead of escaping half-way. Went ta take neo-prints wiv dem. first time try squeezing in 12 ppl in one photo. hard but not impossible. Slowly wade our way ta Changi Airport reach at abt 10 smth. Saw Mervyn dere. Gave him presents and our neo-prints. Haha.. Maybe hope he'll rmbr us. There was a representative for every batch. I represent de sec 4s. He's like some famous star or smth. Its like flashes of cams everywhere. Like dere's so many ppl going ta c him off. so dua pai. So we end up being dere until 11 plus. GOD! my curfew is like 11. Lol! but nvm. No scenes of sad departures but rather all of us were happy for him. Well, since he'll be back in Dec. So all of us wish him all de best. Manage ta take de last train and hitch a ride from Asther.

Haiz~ One good officer gone. Early in de morning had a talk wiv Benjamin, Alvin n Xiao Xin. They were trying to console us or smth. But no matter wad is de outcome, de NCOs are still gonna be hurt. How ta stop?! We wanna win we wanna go for comp. If we get it de juniors r gonna be sad n it still adds upon us bein' sad. If we can't go, its like de end of us. Our dreams, everything. Its hard ta think of both situations. Both are gonna hurt us deeply. Dere's no way for a win-win situation. We can't, de only way is to have one more space in de NA team. Can we do it like last year? Can we prove to dem we've never drop our standard? If we get ta go, can we convince Aisyah ta put in her whole effort? Dere's so many unknowns to our futures in SJAB. Can we handle it all?

//Friday, February 17, 2006//6:12 AM

Haha.. Can't believe I still can smile while typing. Well.. Well.. Today's gonna be de last day I'm gonna cry.
Run wiv Naz n Cindy. Not sure how we ran. Its like trying ta escape from de state we're in now. Imagine cryin n running at de same time. Maybe dat's wad we'll do from now if we're sad. Running can make u relax. At least it can stop u from from imagining de worst.

Family.. Haha.. SJAB is a family. Indeed. Maybe this is wad family is about. Its about getting rid of the old and experienced by replacing them wiv the new n inexperienced. If this is a family, why all I get from it is jus misery? WHY? Because this is a family dat is splited up into so many segments!

Heard abt de news from Naz today. Great! We're not going ta comp after all. Dat's like so NICE of them to think of our O levels. I'd spent much time ta persuade Naz ta join. now, she's de one dat requested to join! Its NAZ, even she's willing I dun c y we still can't join comp. Our standard are WAYY better, our experience are WAYY more and our attitude speaks everything out louder. I dun get it. I never do. This is for hell sake our last year in TMS SJAB! Can't we be selfish? I'm selfish.. WE all are! Who dun wanna win. Everyone does so why won't u let us join? All of you only care about the feelings of the sec 2s and blah shit crap. Hah! Who's gonna care for our feelings? Just because we're sec 4s doesn't mean we can accept dis huge impact.

I wish I'm teng. at least I can't feel any sadness. I wish ta feel no pain. I have no wish ta build my pain on another person. No matter how hard I try, I'm still not u. I'm trying I've never stop.

//Tuesday, February 14, 2006//4:10 AM

I dunno wad ta do now. Tell me wad ta do. I'm not sure wad can I do to please all of u. Can't anyone try ta put themselves in my shoe? Dun u guys get it? We want de best for u. Dat's y we're strict n everything else. to u ppl, we're jus jerks n bitches dat only know to scold u. Wad would u do if u were to handle ppl like yourselves. I'm pissed n dat's it. I'm washing my hands out of this whole sticky mess dat I'm currently in now. Wait till u ppl become de leaders den u'll know how hard it is. Dun complain cos' u ppl r even worse! Everything was in vain! I'm sick of u ppl criticizing us. Dun blame us.